Those Phrases shared by My Dad Which Helped Me as a New Father

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the truth rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her chief support while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The direct statement "You are not in a healthy space. You need assistance. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more comfortable addressing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles dads encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a broader inability to open up amongst men, who still hold onto damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a show of failure to request help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to take a respite - taking a couple of days abroad, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he says. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, speak to a friend, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."